Social Skills

We use social skills every day – greeting co-workers, asking a clerk for help, telephoning a friend, talking to a salesperson about a product, giving someone a compliment. The list goes on and on. Using these skills appropriately greatly influences how other people treat us and how we get along in the world. If we have learned a wide variety of social skills, we can effectively handle more situations and get along better with more people.

Obviously, it is essential for children to learn social skills too. Social skills define for them what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior to other people and to society in general. For parents, they provide a framework for teaching children how to behave.

You can teach your children social skills by using Preventive Teaching and Corrective Teaching. When your kids use skills appropriately or make an attempt to use them, you can reward and reinforce their efforts through Effective Praise. In other words, you pick the teaching technique that best fits the situation you’re in with your kids. This enables you to teach children how, why, and where they should use these skills.

When your kids can use social skills appropriately, they are more likely to know what to do or say when they deal with other people and be more successful in their interactions. Parents who actively teach social skills to their children are equipping them with “survival skills” for getting along with others, for learning self-control and, generally, for having a successful life.



The Basic Social Skills

 Following Instructions
When you are given an instruction, you should:
 Look at the person who is talking.
 Show that you understand. (Say, “I understand,” “Okay,” or “I’ll do it.”) Make sure you wait until the person is done talking before you do what is asked. It is usually best to answer, but sometimes nodding your head will be enough to show the person that you understand.
 Do what is asked in the best way you can.
 Check back with the person to let him or her know you have finished.

 Accepting Criticism
When others tell you how they think you can improve, they give you criticism. To accept criticism appropriately:
 Look at the person. Don’t use negative facial expressions.
 Stay calm and quiet while the person is talking.
 Show you understand. (Say, “Okay” or “I understand.”)
 Try to correct the problem. If you are asked to do something differently, do it. If you are asked to stop doing something, stop it. If you can’t give a positive response, at least give one that will not get you into trouble. (Say, “Okay,” “I understand,” or “Thanks.”)

 Accepting "No" for an Answer
You will be told “No” many times in your life. Getting angry and upset only leads to more problems. If you are able to appropriately accept a “No” answer, people might be more likely to say “Yes” to your requests in the future.
 Look at the person.
 Say “Okay.”
 Calmly ask for a reason if you really don’t understand.
 If you disagree, bring it up later.


 Staying Calm
When people feel angry or upset, it’s hard to stay calm. When we feel like “blowing up,” we sometimes make poor choices. And usually when we make poor choices, we regret it later. If you feel that you are going to lose self-control, you should:
 Take a deep breath.

 Relax your muscles.

 Tell yourself to “Be calm,” or count to ten.

 Share your feelings. After you are relaxed, tell someone you trust what is bothering you.

 Try to solve the situation that made you upset.

 Disagreeing With Others
When you don’t agree with another person’s opinion or decision, you should:
 Remain calm. Getting upset will only make matters worse.
 Look at the person. This shows that you have confidence.
 Begin with a positive or neutral statement. “I know you are trying to be fair, but ….”
 Explain why you disagree with the opinion or decision. Keep your voice tone level and controlled. Be brief and clear.
 Listen as the other person explains his or her side of the story.
 Calmly accept whatever opinion or decision is made.
 Thank the person for listening, regardless of the outcome.

 Asking for Help
When you need help with something, you should:
 Decide what the problem is.
 Ask to speak to the person who is most likely to help you.
 Look at the person, clearly describe what you need help with and ask the person in a pleasant vocal tone.
 Thank the person for helping you.

 Asking Permission
When you need to get permission from someone, you should:
 Look at the other person.
 Be specific when you ask permission. The other person should know exactly what you are requesting.
 Be sure to ask rather than demand. “May I please …?”
 Give reasons if necessary.
 Accept the decision.

 Getting Along With Others
To be successful in dealing with people, you should:
 Listen to what is being said when another person talks to you.
 Say something positive if you agree with what the person said. If you don’t agree, say something that won’t cause an argument. Use a calm vocal tone.
 Show interest in what the other person has to say. Try to understand his or her point of view.

 Apologizing
When you have done something that hurts another person’s feelings or results in negative consequences for another person, and you need to apologize, you should:
 Look at the person. It shows confidence.
 Say what you are sorry about. (Say, “I’m sorry I said that” or “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to what you said.”)
 Make a follow-up statement if the person says something to you. (Say, “Is there any way I can make it up to you?” or “It won’t happen again.”)
 Thank the person for listening (even if the person did not accept your apology).

 Having a Conversation
When you are talking with someone, you should:
 Look at the other person.
 Answer any questions the person asks, and give complete answers. Just saying “Yes” or “No” usually does not give the other person enough information to keep the conversation going.
 Avoid negative statements. Talking about past trouble you were in, bragging, name-calling or making other negative statements gives a bad impression.
 Use appropriate grammar. Slang can be used with friends, but don’t use it when guests or people you don’t know very 
well are present.
 Start or add to conversations by asking questions, talking about new or exciting events or asking the other person what he or she thinks about something.

 Giving Compliments
When you want to say something nice about someone, you should:
 Look at the other person.
 Give the compliment. Tell him or her exactly what you liked.
 Make a follow-up statement. If the person says “Thanks,” say “You’re welcome,” in return.

 Accepting Compliments
Whenever someone says something nice to you, you should:
 Look at the other person.
 Listen to what he or she is saying.
 Don’t interrupt.
 Say “Thanks,” or something that shows you appreciate what was said.

 Listening to Others
When someone is speaking, you should:
 Look at the person who is talking.
 Sit or stand quietly.
 Wait until the person is through talking. Don’t interrupt; it will seem like you’re being rude or aren’t interested in what is being said.
 Show that you understand. Say, “Okay,” “Thanks,” “I see,” etc., or ask the person to explain if you don’t understand.

 Being Honest
When you have done something, whether it’s good or bad, you need to be honest and always tell the truth. Being honest lets other people know they can trust you. If they can believe what you say, you will be considered trustworthy. Sometimes, people will ask you questions about your involvement in a situation. To tell the truth, you should:
 Look at the person.
 Say exactly what happened if you’re asked to provide information.
 Answer any other questions. These can involve what you did or did not do, or what someone else did or did not do.
 Don’t leave out important facts.
 Admit to mistakes or errors if you made them.

 Showing Sensitivity to Others
 Express interest and concern for others, especially when they are having troubles.
 Recognize that disabled people deserve the same respect as anyone else.
 Apologize or make amends for hurting someone’s feelings or causing harm.
 Recognize that people of different races, religions, and backgrounds deserve to be treated the same way as you would expect to be treated.

 Introducing Yourself
When you introduce yourself, you should:
 Stand up straight. If you are sitting or doing something else, stop immediately and greet the person.
 Look at the other person.
 Offer your hand and shake hands firmly. (Don’t wait!)
 Say your name as you are shaking hands, clearly and loudly enough to be heard easily. This shows the other person that you are confident.
 Make a friendly statement. (Say, “Nice to meet you.”)


http://www.parenting.org/parenting-tips/social-skills