How
Parents Can Support the Social and Emotional Development of Themselves and
Others
Development of core
social and emotional skills such as self management, healthy relationships and
making responsible decisions are essential life skills with a myriad of benefits.
Becoming proficient in these skills is a process that evolves over time, beginning
in infancy and continuing through adulthood. For toddlers and youth, these
skills are best learned in a caring, nurturing environment with adults who role
model appropriate behaviors and emotions. Children also need an opportunity to
practice the skills and receive constructive feedback. Although many schools
are now intentionally embedding social and emotional instruction in the curriculum,
parents and families play the
critical, primary role in the development of
these important skills. According to Daniel Goleman, “There are
hundreds of studies showing that how parents treat their children – whether
with harsh discipline or empathic understanding, with indifference or warmth,
and so on – has deep and lasting consequences for the child’s emotional life.”*
In order for parents to
support their child’s development in this area, they must have a good grasp of
social emotional intelligence themselves.
Here are some tips for how parents can enhance their own social
emotional skills and model them for their children:
Self Awareness - Explore
and identify your deepest feelings such as loneliness, shame, fear, betrayal, guilt,
jealousy and joy. Assess your strengths and weaknesses honestly. Be confident
with your decisions and actions.
Self Management – Learn
to identify, express and manage your emotions.
Find what works for you to stay calm when you get angry. Monitor your
stress to ensure it doesn’t negatively affect your health or relationships.
Work with your children to organize your home and establish a few family goals
to expose them to the goal setting process.
Celebrate your successes!
Social Awareness -
Recognize, discuss and respect the differences in others. Honor your child’s
feelings with an empathic response and look for opportunities to practice empathy
with others. Teach your child how to read others’ feelings and social cues.
Help your child resolve conflicts with friends peacefully.
Relationship Skills -
Model healthy relationships with your spouse, friends and family. Learn to
communicate effectively, be a good listener, be empathic, cooperate and compromise
when needed. Apologize when you are wrong or make a mistake.
Responsible Decision
Making – Practice making solid, fair and ethical decisions based on respect,
social norms, and consequences. Follow the law. Practice honesty.
Remember that children
are astute learners and learn as much from your behaviors as your rules,
lectures and instruction. Research has
shown that children whose parents are emotionally adept have an astounding
range of advantages both academically and socially. It is never too late to
develop your social emotional skills. If you feel a need to enhance your
parenting skills, seek out a support group or professional help. It’s one of
the best gifts you could give yourself and your child.
*Goleman,
Daniel. Emotional Intelligence.
Bantam Dell, New York (2005)
What is SEL?
Social Emotional Learning
(SEL) is the process of acquiring the skills to recognize and manage emotions,develop
caring and concern for others, establish positive relationships, make
responsible decisions, and handle challenging situations effectively. SEL is fundamental children’s social and emotional
development — their health, ethical development, citizenship, academic
learning, and motivation to succeed. Not
only does SEL enhance academic outcomes for students, it also ensures that schools
will address a broader mission of educating students to be good problem-solvers
and caring, responsible, and engaged citizens.
Websites:
Child Development
Institute,LLC:
Collaborative for
Academic Social
Emotional Learning
(CASEL):
Search Institute’s parent
resources:
Books:
Emotionally
Intelligent Parenting:
How
to Raise a Self-Disciplined,
Responsible,
Socially Skilled Child.
Maurice Elias, Ph.D. et
al. (2000).
How
To Talk So Kids Will Listen &
Listen
So Kids Will Talk. Adele Faber
and Elaine Mazlish.
(1980/1999).
Touchpoints:
The Essential Reference—
Your
Child’s Emotional and
Behavioral
Development (birth to
age 3). T. Berry
Brazelton, M.D.
(1992)
